I'm just going to start here, finding purpose after loss and grief can be a journey of great discovery or the path of the worst pain and despair you'll ever face.

For me, it has been both.

With the loss of my husband, I lost the most significant role in my life, wife.

And when B died, my identity died with him. 

The death of my own identity has been one of the many 'hardest' parts for me to deal with, because I was left with, "Who am I now?" The things that mattered to me before his passing no longer seemed important.

Values and goals I held as part of my identity, no longer had breath. They died too.

So, who do we become when one of our most significant roles crumbles underneath us?

THE ROLE OF IDENTITY

Wife, girlfriend, partner, daughter, mother, sister, friend, co-worker, employee, employer, homeowner, lover, business owner; these are some of the roles we play inside our social and familial structures.

They are also part of our identity; they often define us. And we don't know how much influence these roles have on us, until they no longer apply.

These titles are who we are, until they're not. And no one tells us how hard it will be to let them go or redefine them as our new role of identity.

I was a wife and now I'm not. I personally don't use the word widow and I don't say 'late husband' when speaking about my husband, B. So what am I now? Am I still a wife? Is he my husband? If I reject 'widow' then what is my new role?

That's only for me to decide, just as you get to decide what comforts you.

Loss is Loss, Grief is Grief

For some, losing our identity may come from a significant relationship split, like; through divorce or having a falling out with our closest friend.

It can also occur when we're fired from a job we love. Even a job we have chosen to quit, can still lead to grief and a loss of identity.

For others the lose of a child, a sibling, a parent, or a partner can bring up the question, "Who am I now if I'm no longer a wife, a parent, a sister, a daughter?" 

And if we no longer identify as that identity, where do we begin to write the new book of our life . . . if we don't know who we are now, without them?

Resolve to Stay Strong

My resolve has stayed strong with me all these years, "I will feel it all and heal it all." This has been my commitment to myself.

Writing these words feels easy now, just a few clicks on the keyboard and a beautiful mantra is written. But doing the hard stuff, holding myself in grief when I wasn't sure I wanted to continue to live, was not. Sobbing until my eyes felt like they'd burst inside my sockets, was not. Having not one shoulder to cry on, was not.

But slowly, very slowly I have started to experience some mental clarity. Step by step, I have begun to feel a bit more optimistic. But it has taken a lot of introspection, journaling, anger, dark nights of the soul, and tears.

One of the biggest shifts for me was when I started to focus more of my time and energy creating a love-based business that supported my needs AND the work that answered the calling of my soul.

Misery Can Lead to Miracles

Loss of identity can be triggered by many hardships in life. And it often takes us by surprise. Even if we know the career or the relationship is ending, the aftermath of feeling grief and loss cannot be predicted or prevented. 

And when it's unexpected, it can be overwhelming and debilitating.

Today, the intention of this article is to bring you some peace and inspiration. There are a lot of great resources available to help you with grief, loss, injury, illness, trauma, abuse, and mental health support (skip to the end of this article for resources if you need help now-they are there just for you because you matter).

But there are not many resources addressing the aftermath of the aftermath, "What happens next?", "What do I do with my life now?", "How do I rebuild a life for myself?"

First, honor your feelings and your needs. You deserve to be whole again.

Second, reach out when you need help. You deserve love and support.

Third, when you're ready and only when YOU are ready, look to the future. Visualize where you might find a new direction, a passion, a vision of what's possible, a spark of light, or a new path to trailblaze yourself. 

What can you do that would help you feel more fulfilled?

Making a Contribution to the World THROUGH Our Challenges

What helped me feel needed and wanted, what helped me feel like I was making a contribution in this world, what helped me face life, my fears, my grief, my pain, and my loss of identity . . .

. . . was my continuous search inside myself to create purpose in my life. 

I was desperate to find a reason to keep going. Just settling into a "job" was not an option for me.

I needed to fulfill the greatness I could sense lived inside of me.

A purpose that was wanting to be expressed; a calling that would not be silenced!

I needed to find a way to transmute the tragedy I'd been through into something meaningful, so I could feel like there was a reason for it all.

And so I started a business, a specific business that has given my life meaning again; helping those who help others!

Loss of Identity Leads to Purpose

Making the decision to live our life with purpose is a start. Then paying attention to what brings satisfaction or fulfillment is a great breadcrumb to follow. Breadcrumb after breadcrumb is how we navigate our way to purpose.

It is not something we seek outside ourselves. 

It is a knowing we have deep inside and when we follow our inner GPS, we begin to create meaning for ourselves.

Creating a purpose-driven, love-based, nurture-my-needs kind-of-business that catalyzes positive transformation for others, can have a profound positive and healing effect on our lives.

Let's look at these 6 inspiring reasons . . .

IT PLANTS THE SEED OF A NEW SELF

Focusing on a purpose plants the seed of a new identity. With a healthy bed of soil, light, and love that seed can catalyze our destined transformation and growth.  

As we work towards realizing our purpose, our new identity is nurtured and cultivated. And with continued self-love, self-compassion, and honoring our needs we will become that self, safely planted in the fertile bed we've created. 

It Gives Life Meaning 

When we create our life’s purpose, it gives what we do meaning, satisfaction, fulfillment, enjoyment, connection with others, community and a sense of contribution to the greater good.

So often, these are exactly the things we feel we don't have when we're suffering in isolation.

And truth be told, we feel like we may never have them again.

Every step along the journey, all the work we do towards fulfilling that purpose, helping others transform their lives, brings us closer to actualizing our true self and healing our warrior wounds. 

It Creates FERTILE SOIL FOR SELF-COMPASSION

Living with purpose connects us to the fundamental keystone all Soulpreneurs build beneath them, radical self-compassion.

I have identified self-compassion as the first keystone for soul-led entrepreneurs. 

Self-compassion is the foundation beneath us, cradling us. For our business to feel safe for us to be seen, heard, to be vulnerable and raw we get to create and hold this sacred, safe space for ourselves. 

It is a soft place to land when we feel overwhelmed or we lack clarity. It's a place we can go to when we're judging ourselves or when things aren't going the way we want.

When we 'should' all over ourselves, we can return to this place and give compassion, love, acceptance, nurturing, and validation to the inner being who needs it.

When we expand ourselves into the business space by becoming coaches, healers, leaders, helping professionals, speakers, authors . . . we get to build our business on this foundation of self-compassion--then we can always create the sense of safety for ourselves no matter what we do or where we show up in the world.

This way our needs, boundaries, time off, time to grieve, time to heal, time away from others will always be protected and valued . . . because they are protected and valued by us.

It Increases our FeelingS Of Self-Worth 

When we're living with purpose and moving forward towards a calling that cries to be realized, it awakens the passion inside. It gives us a deeper experience of purpose and self-worth. 

With each passing day and each small step we take on our journey, we are validated.

Our experiences and all that we've been through, are seen and felt.

When we pour our pain into purpose, all of these seemingly random feelings and emotions will be integrated back into your 'Self.'

In essence, we experience the integration of the fragmented pieces of us. The parts we thought were lost in the grief will start to reconnect and we become ONE, once again.

Using these feelings can then become a practice. They become our practice to healing;  to propel us through each day until it becomes who we are.

It Leads To Fulfillment and Happiness 

Can you imagine being fully happy?

I'm not quite there. But, I have moments where I laugh. I have moments where I feel joy for others. I have experiences of excitement when I step into my greatest purpose, when I take care of myself well, when I take time for friendships, when I notice places I've healed, and when I try new adventures. 

For years I felt no happiness. That's different than being unhappy. What I mean is I did not experience (or feel) any happy or joyous feelings in my body. I felt like my happiness died with my husband.

But it's the little glimpses that I see from time to time that help me hold onto hope. That one day I can experience full happiness again.

Today, much of my feelings of fulfillment and happiness are coming through my work.

 Writing articles like this, sharing my story helps me realize more and more, that I am feeling better about life (because I could not talk about my loss and grief for so long and now that I can, I know I've healed old wounds), and wanting to show up in the world to help others navigate their path are all indications of my growth and healing. 

We are social creatures who need to make a difference and have a purpose, a place where we matter.

We may think that material things bring us happiness, but what truly matters is how meaningful, helpful, and purposeful we are towards ourselves, others, and our global community .

Don’t be surprised to notice a measurable increase in your overall happiness when you connect with your true self and express it through your purpose-driven, soul-led business.

It’s Good For Your Mental And Physical Health 

Last but not least, living with purpose is good for our health. Being needed, being helpful, and adding value to the lives of others has a measurable effect on both our physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental health.

Living on purpose decreases the risks of heart disease and stroke, according to a study conducted by researchers at Mount Sinai St. Luke's and Mount Sinai Roosevelt, titled Have a sense of purpose in life? It may protect your heart. 

AWAKENED PURPOSE

Living a life with purpose, that’s meaningful and gives us a sense of self-worth and confidence leads to happiness. 

Purpose is not something we stumble upon. It is something we connect to within ourselves.  

As you read the articles in this collection, Being On Purpose, focus on tapping into your purpose. And when you feel called to transmute all that you've been through into a purpose-driven business, you are invited to join Awakened Purpose: Transform Your Biggest Challenge into Your Greatest Contribution.

Until our paths cross again,

Take care and practice purpose until you reconnect with your true self.

with love, melissa