First, let's tear it down!
I am ready to tear down my walls and rebuild. And it sucks. Yet, I feel totally empowered!
It has been nearly three years that I have been holding on, surviving, suffering and nearly three years that I’ve been barely living.
Nearly three years that I’ve been trapped in the ups and downs of this extremely complicated grief/loss cycle of heartbreak, grief fog, anger, depression, loneliness, abandonment, sadness and only sprinkles of small amounts of hope, light, and possibility.
I have been asked in casual conversations lately what my theme is or my word for the year and I have been hesitant to share because, let’s face it, when people don’t understand where you are in your journey, they can be incredibly judgmental (even when they do know, they can still be judgmental) and for me this is not the time I want someone to question my choice of inspiration.
But I’ve been receiving lots of confirmation lately. Outside forces confirming my own intuition that tells me it’s time to share and it’s time to step out to be seen because I know there are so many who need help.
People who need my help.
And I am called to share, serve, and lead.
An Essential Part of my Journey
So, let’s begin with my word/theme for the year.
It has become a force all on its own, so much so that I cannot deny it’s there. In fact, the word picked me, I did not pick it. And what is manifesting within the container of this word, this bold and daring idea, has shown me that it is an essential part of my journey.
It came to me in a whisper, “disrupt.”
Then louder, “Disrupt and Dismantle!”
“Tear that old sh** down! You’re done with it. You no longer need it. Purge it!”
I’ve been working on something new in my business to really stretch myself in 2020 and I have had a barrage of negative self-talk and then my mind says “Disrupt it. It’s not true. Tear that mother down. Push back with a force that’s mightier than those thoughts. Disrupt and dismantle it!”
New Eyes, New Perspective
I know my next level lives inside the container of disruption. Disrupt my old patterns, my old ways of being, my thoughts, my excuses, my reasons, my PAIN.
My future and the life I want for myself does NOT live anywhere in the OLD or in the past. My only option for the business I’m creating, the community I’m building, the life I see myself living, is to dismantle everything I think I know and see things with new eyes, a new perspective, a new vantage point that is not filtered through my past.
I am on a mission this year to get my life back. To find my joy. To feel happy again. And this will require me to turn towards my old stories, patterns, ways of being; to turn towards my grief, to lean into the pain and to disrupt it all.
Shake it up and tear it down!
I am strong enough now to do it! I am ready for the ups and downs I know this year will bring. This concept is not meant to be framed within positive psychology. This is about naming what is true. To name what exists.
The truth is grief and loss, rebuilding and reinventing, disrupting and dismantling is messy work. And I know at the core of me, that this process, the process of processing, this time of learning, this season of forgiving and rebuilding is preparing me for what will come. It is preparing me for my greatest life to become a reality.
Therefore, I look courageously into the eye of the beast, my fear, and I say, "Let’s rumble! You don’t own me anymore. When you come to visit, cause I know you won’t go quietly, you will only have a short stay. We can talk about old times and then you have to leave. There is no room for you in my future."
Today, I disrupt my old stories.
I disrupt and dismantle the things I’ve made up about my life.
I disrupt the limiting beliefs I have about success and thriving.
I disrupt the fear I have in writing this and sharing it publicly.
I disrupt the concerns I have for being judged when I share my truth.
I disrupt it all because I DARE to live my life on my terms. I DARE to go for what I want.
Live Life on Your Terms
I know someone, somewhere, at some time will read this and they will know they are not alone. They will be inspired to dare themselves to live their life their way. And they will see it is possible.
Although “disrupt” is not a word usually associated with possibility or rebuilding or reinventing one’s life, it feels powerful to me. It is what I'm doing every new day I face, when my eyes open and I don’t want to get up, "Disrupt it". Disrupt and dismantle the feelings of being lost, the feelings of depression, the feelings that I don't matter.
Every time I want to share and something holds me back, "Disrupt it".
When I notice it in the many, many moments I am feeling completely and utterly alone, shake it up!
I am challenging myself to disrupt it all so I can have the life I yearn for, the destiny I'm called to fulfill.
And with that I say, “This life is mine and I’m taking it back!”
Right now, in this moment, this life is mine.
You too can disrupt your beliefs, habits, ways of being, and thought processes. You too can reach and stretch yourself for what you really want.
I have to be honest, when I think about my options 1) to stay where I am in my life and suffer here, become complacent and just accept that this is how my life is supposed to be, or 2) turn towards my fear, stake a claim in my life today, push back the naysayers, share my voice, be seen in my pain and vulnerability, and live in the uncomfortable, overwhelming, and emotional journey to reach my biggest dreams, the former scares me a hell of a lot more than the latter.
If you think of your life one year from now or 5 years from now being, living, feeling, thinking, and doing the same things you are right now, and that image does not inspire you, then my friend, it should light enough daring under you to get some forward momentum.
Stake a claim in your life right now. Get daring. Be bold. I DARE you!
Holding a space for you with my most vulnerable and open heart (because I believe in you),
~ Melissa
PS What's the something new I've been working on in my business? I'm glad you asked.
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